Safe space.

After 7 years of being separated from my exwife (now divorced). I have found someone. She is great, same age as me 40 separated similar marital problems. We have been dating and going out for about 8 months and I have stopped mongering. But i am extremely afraid of the future. Two weeks ago after having nice dinner we finally slept together (after sex) and she said I love you and Im having a hard time processing. 2 days later she texted me apologizing and does not understand why she said that. I didnt take it personal because I also said it and thought about taking in back. For some reason we are conscious we are the results of failed marriages and now we have the existential question of is this really happening. Just writing to vent.

I wouldn’t say “failed marriage”. I’m glad both you and her have met each other, made love, and sounds like she likes you a lot. I’d say both of you should enjoy each other’s company and not worry too much about the future. Good luck.

You're playing this right. It's great she said it first. It's good you acted like you weren't sure. Now just don't overdo the lovey dovey shit. Let her do that and you reply. Let her earn your love. Women want to be in love. Men being in love makes us very vulnerable it ain't the same. Best of luck

Reading your post, I have some questions/points:

1. It sounds like you only slept together (had sex) after 8 months. Did I read that wrong? If so, that's an awfully long time before hitting the sheets. Especially for people in middle age. You are far more patient that I would have been.
2. You mentioned she is separated. Any chance she is still considering getting back together with her husband? She may not be over him yet.

My gut take is that she is very unsure and maybe that is why the initial sex took so long. I would be very careful and not fall in love with her (through that's a hard thing to control).

I disagree. Men want to be in love too, many times even more than women. With women, "love" is also tied to what you can do for them, so there is a significant economic component. In contrast, a man's love for a woman has to do more with sex and companionship. In many ways, female love is more mercenary. A woman may profess her love for you and then cut you off if a better catch comes along. Men can do that too but often won't But a woman will do it with no second thoughts or regrets.

Women are gatekeepers of sex. Men are gatekeepers of commitment/investment.

She's been withholding sex from you for 8 months, to see if you would commit to/invest in her. You passed her test. Ta-da! Sex.

Along with that reward, she has given you another test: dropping the L-bomb on you right after the deed. She now needs the next level of commit/investment from you.

LOL. 8 months is more than a test. It's a fucking odyssey.

Imagine taking a test every day for 10, 20, or even 50 years.

That's my point. They love different they love in the moment. Most Men can't do that. That's why a Man has to always have a Woman love him more than he loves her for it to truly work.

He said they finally slept together. Not sex for the first time.

Thank you for replying. ON 1. We had sex after 2 months of dating. walks in the park...visiting museums etc. I meant two weeks ago was the first time end up sleeping overnight.
She has been separated for around 3 years.

So first, get out of the way the obvious, there's no law saying you have to marry this gal today or any day, can even live together happily ever after without getting Jonny Law involved. If you already have had your children, then really there's nothing wrong with being in love and enjoying rest of your lives. In fact, without the false chain of potential divorce, is so much easier to experience real love and even battle through future problems. Is hard when you are trapped, like many men here are, in marriage no one wants to be in, but divorce is worse, with children and money and property involved. My dad has been married four times, and really even he now agrees with the above advice, which I and my sister gave him in 1996 after his second marriage. No need to make something that could be awesome messy.

Second thing, this may be harder to do because it takes some deep thought and maybe time, but consider thought exercise. Why did you get married first time? What parts of THAT decision ended up spoiling the time that you got divorced? Like you and your ex wife made some mistake then which later grew into reasons to no be married. Sometimes it might be people get married "because", or they get pregnant, or you both liked fucking each other, all reasons which become null after some time period.

Either way, enjoy the ride. One of the joys of my life is meeting an unhappily married lady and hearing those magic words, "my husband doesn't fuck me anymore". Ladies in their late 30s, 40s, 50s who are divorced either in practice or in law, wow if you got the power they are an endless fountain of sex energy and also love. They know, just like you might know now, life is no long, and there is time when you may wish you had someone special. For ladies in this situation, they may be over hungry and this is why you got the L word thing. Or, they are so used to tossing that word around, from being married for years or decades, that it really is unintentional.

Go easy, enjoy yourself, and keep in your mind that you're a free man, don't be in any hurry to get locked down. I see a lot of unmarried but long-term couples at the club in the last ten years, it's becoming somewhat common now.

I don’t like sleeping overnight with a girl because if I’m alone and I have to fart, I’ll just fart. But if a girl is sleeping next to me, then I have to run to the living room and fart over there.

Also, some women end up kneeing my dick while they are asleep or putting their leg or arm over me which wakes me up. lol

I heard there are dudes, famous dudes, who like to sniff strange ladies' hair. Sleepovers are perfect for sniffing hair! Get in that spoon formation and sniff away!

Joe Biden comes to mind.

I generally assumed his sense of smell left along with the others years ago

Sleepovers are one of those things that sound better in theory than they are in practice.

For the guy, the farting, snoring, bathroom trips (to piss) and tossing/turning will annoy her. Maybe to the point of never seeing you again.
For the girl, its blanket stealing, wanting to cuddle (which makes it impossible for me to sleep). Not to mention curlers and the rancid smell of her pussy in the morning. Or watching her sleep with her mouth wide open.

Basically, too much familiarity and discomfort on both sides.

Occasionally, a 4AM surprise BJ or 6AM fuck marathon makes up for it. But that is the exception.

It took you 8 months to fuck her?

Hehe... too funny ..

If u are unsure of having uttered the big phrase and she is too. Sit down and talk about it. Have a real good heart to heart and don't listen to assholes who are so bad w women that their best advice is to not fall In love w them.. be open and be honest and be honest w yourself. If u love her then love the bejeezuz out of her and if she loves u then let her love u. Trying to set artifical boundaries based on assholes who no nothing about women is crazy. Do what suits u and your heart and fuck what we here think.