I Think I Need To Quit, Any Advice?

[bigrickyg123]

I’m in my mid 30s and have been partaking in this hobby for more than 10 years. Aside from having no motivation for dating actual women, I’m spending way too much money. I need to stop or at least slow down.

I’m in a new job where I have more flexibility, I travel throughout north Jersey, and have a bigger paycheck. It’s been an awful recipe to feed this habit. I saw 4 girls last week including two in a single day. Monday morning I woke up feeling depressed as hell and full of regret. I deleted google voice, text now, and the burner Twitter I recently made and vowed to take a break.

Well today I had a lunch meeting 45 minutes away and afterward sat in my car, redownloaded text now, and spent like half hour trying to find a provider and wound up seeing a Bianca girl. My break lasted a whole two days.

I’ve spent like $700 in the past week alone. Idk wtf is wrong with me. I’m also taking bigger risks than I ever should like seeing these Indy’s in questionable places. A month ago I paid a room for the night for an Indy I really like and after spending a few hours with her let her stay the night without me there. That’s such a stupid risk that even a year ago I wouldn’t take. I don’t want to know how much money I’ve spent this year alone but it makes me sick thinking about it lol

I would like to significantly reduce how often and how much I spend on this hobby. I’d love to be a once a month guy, but I think I need a long break in general.

Anybody go through this? Any advice on how to stop or slow down? I feel very stupid right now.

 

[Redrain]

You need to go to a therapist and be honest with them about hobbying.

They won't "turn you in" but you have to make it clear to them that you are willing to work with them and do the long term work necessary to be better.

Trust me, you aren't the first man to tell their therapist that they pay for sex and you won't be the last.

Keep yourself open to the very real possibility that there are other issues that need to be addressed and be willing to do the work to address them as well.

If you are willing to do this, then there is a very real chance that your life will change for the better. There is no guarantee, but there is a very significant chance depending upon how hard you work.

If you aren't willing to do this or give up midway though, then your life will never be better than it is now and there is a very real chance it will get worse.

Finally, cancel your membership as soon as you finish reading this and don't go to a provider until you go to a therapist first and tell them everything.

Good luck and I hope for your sake that I never read another post from you.

Seriously, if you really want to get better don't reply or even like this post. Just start cancel your membership and start looking for a therapist.

 

[SirRobertHurst]

I’m going through the same thing. I think getting a toy masturbatior handless is good. Also go up to women. Im here to help. Look I had a fear of going up to women. But just do it. 9 times out of 10 you’ll get a number. Just take a rejection with ease. It’s not like they won’t give you their number. Just ask them their number. Not hard. Jesus faced rejection and improved every day. Hard times are necessary. It’s called spiritual strength. What’s muscle going to do for you? You know animals are stronger. You’re a human. Be strong righteously. Face adversity and pull through. Do it the right way. Ask women for their number. You’ll get yes and no. Just don’t quit after a no. You feel me?

 

[bubbacrosby]

I'm about another 10 yrs into this hobby than OP is. I've been fairly good at turning it on and off over the years with several 12 month or more stretches of zero hobbying.
And during my hobbying stretches, I've been pretty good at controlling my spending. I've overindulged once or twice of course, but never really hurt myself financially.

As others have suggested, therapy can be helpful and downgrading yourself to masturbation is an effective, if not fun, way to make nutting more affordable.

But I think in the long run, for me, it's been about having alternatives and other options. Like a girlfriend/wife, or just a few girls to date.
Like even if you have to get the ugliest fuck buddy to save a few bucks, DO IT. I don't care if she's uglier than the AMP girls, save money!

You don't really want to be in a place where your entire sex life comes from the hobby and you begin spending more on them than you would an actual wife.
That's not ok. At that point, having a wife is cheaper than hobbying.
Hobbying must be financially sustainable or else it's not your hobby, it's your downfall.

Another thing that's helped me is there are a lot of youtube videos around these "men and sex" topics, as well as lots of good advice for men improving themselves just in general. From just a daily psychological standpoint, it's good to have those positive motivational messages hitting you on a daily basis. I like Jordan Peterson personally, but there are a handful of good voices out there with solutions that work. Find good role models and model their behavior in your own life.

In the short term, you have to develop some discipline. Use your hand more and your wallet less. Get your head right. Have other things to do than surf the web looking for hoes. Have alternatives to this lifestyle or else it'll be all that you have. Make the effort to build a social life, even if it's with other guys. Later you can be each other's wingmen or just meet women through other people's social networks.

In the long term, you have to work on yourself and get yourself a woman (and all the working out, eating right, looking fashionable, being interesting, etc. that goes with all of that in order to catch a good one). It may not be what you want to hear, but the alternative is to masturbate a lot (kinda depressing) or go see a lot of hoes (and go broke and still kinda depressed anyway LoL).

Really, if you think about it, these are the only 3 options that exist for a man in the long run. Your hand, a prostitute, or find your own woman.
The level of reward you get is proportionate to the level of effort and difficulty involved. Good luck and hope you balance yourself out.

 

[SirRobertHurst]

I think we should all quit believe it or not. If only everyone had a wife.

 

[DannyRomeo]

I find myself going when im not even in the mood. If there’s an hr down time or im board, my first instinct is to text or call where I know they’ll take me on the spot.

I have setup good relations in basically every borough aside from statn island lol.
I feel your pain, I don’t know when this became my go to thing to do. It’s for real getting Out of control not just in my body but my pocket as well. I came into a small fourtune recently and I was very honest with my advisor. He locked most of it away, thank for 10 years. The rest is getting spent rapidly, on almost a daily visits.
I am seeing someone for this and I’m honest about the frequency of my visits. He suggested I could be a sex addict. Are we? What exactly are we addicted to?
I don’t think it’s the sex as much as the attention we get when we’re alone with them.

 

[SirRobertHurst]

The biggest drug epidemic among lonely men isn’t drugs. It’s prostitution spending. It’s an addiction that will lead to the worst.

 

[AutomaticSlim]

I’m in my mid 30s and have been partaking in this hobby for more than 10 years. Aside from having no motivation for dating actual women, I’m spending way too much money. I need to stop or at least slow down.

I’m in a new job where I have more flexibility, I travel throughout north Jersey, and have a bigger paycheck. It’s been an awful recipe to feed this habit. I saw 4 girls last week including two in a single day. Monday morning I woke up feeling depressed as hell and full of regret. I deleted google voice, text now, and the burner Twitter I recently made and vowed to take a break.

Well today I had a lunch meeting 45 minutes away and afterward sat in my car, redownloaded text now, and spent like half hour trying to find a provider and wound up seeing a Bianca girl. My break lasted a whole two days.

I’ve spent like $700 in the past week alone. Idk wtf is wrong with me. I’m also taking bigger risks than I ever should like seeing these Indy’s in questionable places. A month ago I paid a room for the night for an Indy I really like and after spending a few hours with her let her stay the night without me there. That’s such a stupid risk that even a year ago I wouldn’t take. I don’t want to know how much money I’ve spent this year alone but it makes me sick thinking about it lol

I would like to significantly reduce how often and how much I spend on this hobby. I’d love to be a once a month guy, but I think I need a long break in general.

Anybody go through this? Any advice on how to stop or slow down? I feel very stupid right now.

Wait...You saw 4 girls in a week and only spent 700???
WTF???
Where the hell have you been going?
That place above the body shop in Newark???
FYI I've never been there. And NEVER would! I wouldn't be caught dead in a hellhole like that!
And "Bianca"??? Don't know who that is (well I kinda do from reading reviews here). But holy cripes...SOMEONE needs an UPGRADE! And that someone is YOU!
Your problem, young man...is that you've been slumming. And that will only lead to depressing thoughts.
Why see girls that you pay when you wouldn't be caught dead with ones that look like that in public???
I do just the opposite.
I see providers who are WAAAAY hotter than I could ever get in real life.

So here's the thing.
You have to make a decision.
If you want to go "civvie", work on yourself (and it may be real hard work) to get the types of civvies you want.
If not...SAVE UP and see providers that are hot enough to be out of your league if you went civvie.
But...KNOCK IT OFF with the 4x700 girls. That's the 4 dog of the week club. May I never be a member.
Sorry if this is harsh and I have offended anyone.
I'm a heavy drinker and I am currently drinking heavily.
Take care and happy mongering to all.

 

[RobRoy]

Here's my advice for you. Life is short. Stop making yourself feel guilty over stupid crap. If you enjoy what you are doing then go for it. But, if you are going to be one of those guys who walks out of screwing some piece of ass and then asks "why do I do that?" and beats himself up, then get out and stay out because you are going to be miserable. Forget the therapist nonsense. No therapist is gonna get you to quit the hobby. I stopped drinking cold over 10 years ago. Doctor said either I stop or it was going to stop me. No AAA, no meetings, no therapist. I also have no regrets about drinking a ton and having a lot of fun when I was young. But, it was time to get away from it. So, I just stopped and that was that. You can do the same with this hobby if you want. It is just mind over matter and having the will to do what you need to do for yourself.

 

[clAMPer]

Wait...You saw 4 girls in a week and only spent 700???
WTF???
Where the hell have you been going?
That place above the body shop in Newark???
FYI I've never been there. And NEVER would! I wouldn't be caught dead in a hellhole like that!
And "Bianca"??? Don't know who that is (well I kinda do from reading reviews here). But holy cripes...SOMEONE needs an UPGRADE! And that someone is YOU!
Your problem, young man...is that you've been slumming. And that will only lead to depressing thoughts.
Why see girls that you pay when you wouldn't be caught dead with ones that look like that in public???
I do just the opposite.
I see providers who are WAAAAY hotter than I could ever get in real life.

So here's the thing.
You have to make a decision.
If you want to go "civvie", work on yourself (and it may be real hard work) to get the types of civvies you want.
If not...SAVE UP and see providers that are hot enough to be out of your league if you went civvie.
But...KNOCK IT OFF with the 4x700 girls. That's the 4 dog of the week club. May I never be a member.
Sorry if this is harsh and I have offended anyone.
I'm a heavy drinker and I am currently drinking heavily.
Take care and happy mongering to all.

As a Beginner, your words make sense even if you’re already started drinking. Again as a Beginner, the biggest problem I face is pace myself and not lose control. It’s just a treat not an everyday thing. At least for now. Cheers

 

[gaga2732]

Mr, Slim, in number 8, imho, is giving you sound advice. seeing a lady is a vice. do some of us enjoy a little fun at a casino? the occasional single malt? in the old days, a cubano with friends? as humans we have vices. shopping for stuff we do not need, buying enough shoes, that even a centipede could not wear all at once.
what is wrong with a little fun, a vice. lets define it: for some, moral depravity, for others, a moral fault, and for many, sexual immorality.
here is the thing, as adults, we make our own decision in life. as adults we live with the consequences of such decisions. who are we to judge others? wtf is wrong with folks. you enjoy to ponies? gambling on sports? hey, as long as you are not affecting the life of innocent family members, who am i to judge.
you like to indulge on a little snow on weekends? again, why or how or when, will i judge you? never. your actions and your consequences.
vice? it started with adam and eve! lmao.
i am ok with a little vice in my life, have fun. you only live once, we are only victims of our own decisions.
bigrickyg123, do not over think the hobby, i have gone on dry spells. longest 5 years, zero mongering. other times 2 o 3 times in one year. have fun, do not obsess with it. your young. stop for a while if you think it'll we good for you. no one really cares, except you.
imho, i rather give my money to a gorgeous provider than a charlatan who calls themselves therapists. i ll get my therapy from a good looking lady in korea town, lol
ymmv, stay safe.

 

[SirRobertHurst]

Just ask women out. It’s not that hard. You gotta ask the right woman though that fits. If you ask a hoe, chances are they’ll reject unless you’re a criminal because no matter money or looks or sex, they want criminals. Anyways ask women. All type of women. Make it a goal. Ask 3 a day. You’re gonna get at least 2 yes’s in the week.

 

[Sera]

You definitely need to see a therapist. Maybe there’s something deep within you that you buried and having all these different ladies helps you cover up and forget that trauma you may have had. I don’t know your story so I can’t say. But drowning yourself in this hobby isn’t healthy and it seems that your pockets will be hurting more if this continues. That kinda money should be invested. Also you need to start having real relationships. Just put on your big boy pants and go on some dated but please go to therapist because it seems like you have created a dangerous addiction.

 

[superman12379]

i tried too, but i could not, so no advise from me.

 

[Suave-papito]

https://freedom-coaching.net/content/home

 

[Suave-papito]

https://integrityrestored.com/

 

[Anonajohn]

I agree with Slim (post #8). 9 times out of 10, if you see low-end girls like STG or alligator, you may as well stay home and JO. If you're gonna book a provider, choose one that does a quality service and is way out of your league, and make it a bucket list item. You will see your frequency decrease when you are creating memories instead of regrets.

 

[kandyland]

The OP needs another hobby for distraction. Something that consumes your downtime.

 

[Brooklyn99]

1.Set up a savings account.
2 When you have the urge transfer or go to bank/ATM and make a deposit.
3. Watch it grow.
4. Volunteer once a month at least (maybe even once a week) - food pantry, homeless shelter, school for adults with intellectual disabilities.
5. At least once a month go to church, mosque, temple (make a DONATION).
6. Read a book
7. Go fishing, or hiking/camping
8. Subscribe to New York Times text to your phone.
9. Join a gym and go *record your results!!!


In 5 years you will.have $300,000

 

[Kinkini]

Here's my advice for you. Life is short. Stop making yourself feel guilty over stupid crap. If you enjoy what you are doing then go for it. But, if you are going to be one of those guys who walks out of screwing some piece of ass and then asks "why do I do that?" and beats himself up, then get out and stay out because you are going to be miserable. Forget the therapist nonsense. No therapist is gonna get you to quit the hobby. I stopped drinking cold over 10 years ago. Doctor said either I stop or it was going to stop me. No AAA, no meetings, no therapist. I also have no regrets about drinking a ton and having a lot of fun when I was young. But, it was time to get away from it. So, I just stopped and that was that. You can do the same with this hobby if you want. It is just mind over matter and having the will to do what you need to do for yourself.

I’ve quit many other addictions but this one is insane