They don’t look at is as a lie. Their lives are layered and complex. For most of them, especially those that have been in the business for a while, they can’t tell the truth, at least not right away. There is no upside in telling the truth. You can always tell when one just arrived as she will tell you more that she really should. I was talking to one about the lies, the seemingly endless lies and she innocently and directly said, “Why should they tell you truth? You aren’t going to marry them, you aren’t their husband.” As if that statement didn’t catch me off guard, we were talking a little while later and I told her about a lie that really bothered me and her response was equally startling.
A favorite started working at another spa, she started splitting her time at the spa I was seeing her and another newly opened spa. She didn’t tell me where the new spa was till after she left the spa where I was seeing her. She gave enough hints and clues and talked around it, to where I knew where the new spa was and figured out which one it was. I told a friend about this episode and she said, what’s the big deal, you always knew where she was, she always told you how to see her and you were seeing her on her days off, you talked and texted often, this is not a big deal. The one I was talking to considered this behavior perfectly normal. I thought it was rather upsetting.
We process and deal with things in a much different way than they do. Are they lying to us? I don’t know anymore. I’ve also found out that the truth is there, it’s staring us in the face, we just don’t want to accept it, so we get upset with them and think they are lying to us. Sure, their words were not truthful, but they told us with actions what the real story was.
Some take a while to warm up. Think about their world, who can they trust? Considering the world they left where lies are the norm, coming to America and being involved in the massage business, which is all lies, lies from their co-workers, lies from the bosses, owners and managers, and yes, lies from us their source of revenue. No wonder they are loathe to tell the truth. It takes time to build trust. I agree with you, I don’t like being lied to either, but now I have decided I want to know as little as possible about them. I like them, I like being with them and I’m glad they are here, but I’ll let them reveal to me what they want on their terms.
The part I struggle with is, they are not who they seem to be. It’s not the words and stories they tell, its what they don’t tell. If you really want to know about them, all the gory details, see someone that they have worked with or someone they know. Their former colleague will tell you far more than you want to know and you will hear a side of them you wish you didn’t know. Granted, they might be embellishing, but often there is enough there to put a few more pieces to the puzzle on the table.