After a lifetime of almost always succeeding to do the right things and avoid darkness of spirit, a low sex marriage left me with frustration, anger and at times contemplations of suicide.
At first I thought I was unhappy with life or dissatisfied with my best friend and partner. But once I started down this path of ours I found it was not that I was heart sick but that I just had some inexplicable drive to frankly cum more often. Beating off another hundred times wasn’t enough.
This hobby is a survival mechanism and is doubtless a black spot in my soul, but it is not about love. To me an affair of the heart would be much more of a betrayal.
Love and sex can be separate. When I’m getting a massage it is a sensual experience, it is a service for hire. Both parties know it’s not love; one is having fun and the other is getting money. Providers have a difficult job and I try to always be respectful and pleasant. They respond by asking me to visit them again not because they love me but because I am less crappy than most of the others they see. it’s not because they love me or my dick and and I’m not coming back with flowers or dreams of some meaningful relationship; it’s a transactional relationship.
For me this hobby is about mechanics of sex and experiencing other women after decades of happy, dutiful monogamy that late on started to spin towards needless disaster and misery.
I realize that my wife would feel terribly betrayed and that it would wound her heart to know my deeds. But this is an imperfect and temporary world and one can only hope that precautions will hold until the curtain closes. Every action or inaction is a choice with consequences. I’ve struggled to stop seeing the ladies and excoriated myself for my weaknesses. But this desire, this “it” is very deep in some hot, animal center of my brain and if this fundamental drive is not met a poisonous net begins to ensnares my outlook on life. I wish it weren’t so, but a little body touching, some sensual sliding and blowing a load into a bag puts me back on track.
Should I talk to a shrink to attempt to neuter my drives through right thinking? When that fails, should I take pills to stave off depression and risk metal and physical side effects? Should I come clean and destroy relationships just to live truth? Should I end it and leave a smoking ruin of mystery behind? Or should I occasionally pay a professional to make me cum?
Beyond my self centered wallowing; am I causing greater harm to others with my actions?
The women I’ve seen have a difficult job. These middle aged ladies have made hard choices to make hard money at a rate not possible in their counties of origin without extensive specialized education. They can get ensnared in debt and face severe challenges, but in my experience at mps, they are not enslaved. Bust after bust that starts with suspicions of trafficking and then turns up nothing but middle aged ladies working for a living.
There are problems in this demimonde and certainly any violent coercive explotation, especially involving young women, should be pursued and prosecuted.
We all sell our bodies for work to some degree; some may get calluses, some carpal tunnel, some risk disease at laboratories, all trade our limited time for currency as our bodies incrementally decline.
There are many shitty jobs in the world and maybe amp girl is down near the bottom.
These ladies perform a job that is fulfilling a role that left unfilled would likely find expression in even more negative ways.
The world is a somewhat better for their tender mercies and in the best of worlds they are able to provide opportunities to advance their circumstances and support families off shore.
Overall American society still has a underlying sex is bad moralism. Sex is potent, but the societal implications always kant towards evil; if the girls aren’t sluts, then the men must be enslaving pigs. The world is not so black and white.
If guys could simply get their rocks off without the zealous guilt and with minimum collateral damages, it would be a better, saner world.
Did I answer the question ? Haha