Q for those with beautiful wives

[Sschen]

Oh dear. It is an addiction.
I won't clutter the page with the reasons or mechanisms behind it.

The takeaway here, if you continue, it's not a matter of if, but when, you get caught. If you have a healthy sex life with your spouse, that's a treasure, do everything you can to preserve it.

My limited understanding of female psychology, is that it's not the ACT, but being deceived that's the true transgression.

 

[Delta6]

Once you experience what you can get for your money at a moments notice it’s hard to forget that.

 

[Delta6]

Once a monger always a monger lol.
Variety really is the spice of life.

 

[Adamontheroad]

I monger because my wife and I stayed in a different country for 2 years. I stayed here with my son, feel lonely, under pressure, not happy with my current job, but consider I am the only income source of this home, and rental, medical, son's tuition .... I had to continue to work with my current company. I tried to find jobs on the market, but maybe my age, race, etc. nothing comes out. Sometimes I even fear going to work in the morning. I never told my fluctuate to anybody, even with my wife, I don't want her to worry about me.
Thank god let me find this forum and read these posts, I normally monger once a week on average. Mostly c-org, trying to spend less but get released. I felt only when monger time that is really myself, totally relived.
My wife soon will join me in the states, I am considering whether I should quit this hobby or not. I am thinking of this thing for months but still didn't figure it out. Maybe will figure out once we get together.

 

[Sschen]

I monger because my wife and I stayed in a different country for 2 years. I stayed here with my son, feel lonely, under pressure, not happy with my current job, but consider I am the only income source of this home, and rental, medical, son's tuition .... I had to continue to work with my current company. I tried to find jobs on the market, but maybe my age, race, etc. nothing comes out. Sometimes I even fear going to work in the morning. I never told my fluctuate to anybody, even with my wife, I don't want her to worry about me.
Thank god let me find this forum and read these posts, I normally monger once a week on average. Mostly c-org, trying to spend less but get released. I felt only when monger time that is really myself, totally relived.
My wife soon will join me in the states, I am considering whether I should quit this hobby or not. I am thinking of this thing for months but still didn't figure it out. Maybe will figure out once we get together.

Great post.
And yes, if there's a 'justifacation', you have it.
It's gotten a little better, but there is still a huge stigma and taboo around P4P, even in the Uber liberal SF Bay Area .

Chances are if you're partnered and mongering, you're not fooling anybody.
Women generally have amazing inbuilt detection skills around figuring what you are up to, because the stakes are so high for them.

So, if you think you rival JFK or Slick Willie at your ability to have your cake and eat it too, you're only fooling yourself.

 

[hidden_hamster]

Prior to mongering my partner was the only one I've ever had sex my entire life. We both have insanely stressful jobs. Had crazy arguements and almost got divorced a couple times. We been together more than 20 yrs, married at 18 due to a baby.

I justified it at first since I've never ever seen another lady. I know very personal. Same time, I have like this issue with myself. I think I'm ugly outta shape no one will ever love me. I know sappy crap ignore it. Same time my partner is outta shape semi meh health, and they dont do much to improve there look as well.

So I'm scared to be alone, financial repurcusions of divorce, I've been in terrible headspaces multiple times. Sometimes I feel hella lonely even with a partner and adult child. We aint rich we just well off.

I don't know how to stop, I semi check this pretty frequently. Same time we leave each other privacy like she not searching my phone or anything or asking where I'm going.

 

[Jjohnjayk]

I’ve been mongering since my early 20s (mid 30s) now and similarly been with my partner (now wife) for more than half my life. I know what I have is sex addiction. I monger when I feel like giving myself a reward or laying off some steam. The thrill of it and the pure satisfaction I get out of it is intoxicating.
And I don’t have a dead bedroom situation. My partner and I have a pretty amazing sex life and it’s hard to admit, mongering has made me a much better sexual partner (without her knowing). And if anything, sex with her is just so much better knowing that she is fully into me and connected to me. I have harder better climaxes and it’s satisfying to know I can get a genuine one out of her. For me, it all changed when I started making our sex life better. Believe it or not, women love sex too and I was surprised that my partner was open to trying new things and exploring different parts of our sexuality. I always thought she was kinda prude but turns out when probed, she had a kinky naughty side I knew nothing about. We talk a lot more about sex. She’s even opened up to the idea of maybe even swinging which the Bay Area scene is notorious for. All that to say, if you have a dead bedroom but are still into your wife, talk. Explore together. Sex is a two way street and you’d be surprised what comes out of you just engage and open up to the idea that your prude, pure wife can be as dirty as the providers we all run to. As for the mongering, it’s separate for me and I know it’s an addiction. Finding new hobbies, rubbing one out, and focusing on other tasks can help but like any addiction, the temptation is forever. Pandora’s box is open. And it’ll be a lifelong struggle that I will make mistakes on from time to time. But I will say, reading about the swinging scene in the Bay Area and the thought of exploring it with my partner and seeing her get fucked by other dudes too is very very titillating.

 

[Stakopo]

Agree with you Jjohnjayk, it's upped my game in the BR with my wife too. Good sex at home, just not enough. Once a week does not cut it more me. We've tried minor swinging, but it's hard to find compatibility with all 4 people involved (the women are the picky ones of course... LOL). It's come to the point where, due to my high libido, I get the green light to skip out from time to time. Different reactions from wife each time.. Ranges from "Oh good I'm off the hook for a few more days." to her feeling more into sex since she know others are interested in me too. Of course with this sort of arrangement, I'd have to be OK if she found a guy or girl she wants to play with.

 

[hidden_hamster]

Agree with you Jjohnjayk, it's upped my game in the BR with my wife too. Good sex at home, just not enough. Once a week does not cut it more me. We've tried minor swinging, but it's hard to find compatibility with all 4 people involved (the women are the picky ones of course... LOL). It's come to the point where, due to my high libido, I get the green light to skip out from time to time. Different reactions from wife each time.. Ranges from "Oh good I'm off the hook for a few more days." to her feeling more into sex since she know others are interested in me too. Of course with this sort of arrangement, I'd have to be OK if she found a guy or girl she wants to play with.

Genuinely I'm amazed that you can get the green light. I think I have a very high libido as well. Like john above in drunken stupors the idea of swinging has randomly popped us as well. We in the bay area. But I don't know how that'd play out. From atleast my research its around our age to older or really young. Based on what I've seen people are insanely fit in the swinging community or looking for bulls.

Yes our sex life has definitely gotten better, same time I always so paranoid when i get the urge and venture. I do covered always but still paranoid. I get tests etc. I dunno.

It's really hard to find a happy place with the balance. So this will always be my secret that would probably end things if it was found out.

 

[jgeezy510]

I think it all links to evolutionary biology and our need to spread our seed and populate the world. Not too long ago we were uncivilized animals just trying to survive and a lot of offspring would die to disease or predators. More kids the better chance of survival. This is probably just a scapegoat but I think it's deep in the genetics for most guys. Please note, there are some dudes with lesser sex drive and no sex addiction. I too have a beautiful wife and awesome sex. I stray away from hobbying for months and then in a weak, stressed out situation, I find myself back in a massage parlor which eventually leads to an AAMP a month later. Stay strong bros who are trying to quit the hobby. Jerk off when you can, move up in work and join some physical sports team like jiu jitsu, boxing, basketball, etc. "Idle hands are the devil's playground" as they say. Going for promotions at work and dedicating time to exercise has kept me busy and away from hobbying. I just jerk off, have sex with my wife, coordinate dates and focus on promoting at work. I do still like reading these forums for fun and living vicariously through you hobbyists. Stay busy if you're trying to quit but keep hobbying for those single dudes so I have something to read for fun - lol!

 

[christoff]

If your wife was taking care of you the way you think you should be, you wouldn’t be hobbying.

 

[rockrrrr]

If your wife was taking care of you the way you think you should be, you wouldn’t be hobbying.

Exactly!

 

[Jwang321]

I had no idea about a swinging scene in the Bay Area! Can you guys share some info?

 

[Stakopo]

I had no idea about a swinging scene in the Bay Area! Can you guys share some info?

Clubs
Power Exchange = hard NO. Single guys allowed so 90% are dudes
Twist is supposed to be good (couples and solo women only)

Websites
AdultFriendFinder (AFF) some real people, but more and more Fakes & Flakes
SwingersLifeStyle (SLS) similar to AFF, but less active
LifestyleLounge (LL) Similar to above
Google for more, many sites out there

 

[Nylnlst]

Clubs
Power Exchange = hard NO. Single guys allowed so 90% are dudes
Twist is supposed to be good (couples and solo women only)

Websites
AdultFriendFinder (AFF) some real people, but more and more Fakes & Flakes
SwingersLifeStyle (SLS) similar to AFF, but less active
LifestyleLounge (LL) Similar to above
Google for more, many sites out there

can someone tell me point of fakes?

 

[Stakopo]

can someone tell me point of fakes?

Fake accounts could be:

- sending ads via PM or email if you give that to them
- loser hiding behind an account just to "talk to girls"
- photo collectors
and any other lame excuse. You'd have to ask the fake poster for the truth.

 

[Yaterjohn]

I mean it’s also an expensive hobby. And I make pretty good money as a consultant.
I’m slowly edging off this hobby because I’ve found other hobbies to take up my time.

I won’t lie. The urge is there here and there, but when you put into perspective the cost, it’s jarring. So I beat one out and post-but clarity hits me

 

[Mark57]

The urge is there here and there, but when you put into perspective the cost, it’s jarring.

Definitely true. The money I spend on hobbying is disposable income, but occasionally the perspective that I don't splurge like this on anything else because it feels wasteful occurs to me. I have periods where I see a kgirl once a week. In comparison I couldn't imagine justifying going out once a week for a $300 dinner, or buying $300 sneakers once a week, or any other number of things for the same amount of money.

 

[TheFigurehead]

First started mongering overseas in 1997 to prepare myself for a college first GF sweetheart breakup that should have been over with sooner but stayed on. Then mongered back in SF Bay Area 1999 after ditching that GF at the altar to mend my shattered heart. Then on and off in between relationships, including a marriage and before and after the last GF. Never mongered while I was actually in a relationship (self pat on the back for that). Been single for at least 3 years and mongering keeps me sane as needed, but now it feels like a once in a while urge. The satisfaction level compared to a great relationship + quality sex isn't the same, and the talent lately is just so so compared to pre-Covid, so a superb session is rare these days. So in a way that makes it easier for me to either walk away entirely, or just have this hobby once in a blue moon. I love fine dining, and when a session costs as much as a fancy meal or a superb bottle of wine even with $$$ more than before, I need to think more.

I guess what I'm trying to say is it really depends how much of this hobby has a hold on you, your willpower, and the value/satisfaction level you get from it. In that regard, it may be easier to ween yourself away from it if you need to. Think more with big head, less little head, when making your decision.

For those who are attached on paper as well and legally, figure out what is worth it vs your peace of mind and sanity, vs the potential loss if the SO ever discovered. In many Asian cultures it is more or less the norm, married dudes stray/monger....there's a Chinese saying that '9 out of 10 men monger, the 10th one is currently thinking about doing it'. Maybe not all of them, but if it were to happen, it isn't uncommon.

 

[CaptainMe]

If your wife was taking care of you the way you think you should be, you wouldn’t be hobbying.

It’s an excellent point. And by the statement, I’m going to make a wild guess you haven’t been married for more than a decade or are likely single in your 20s/30s.

Reason I say that … I’ve been there. Had that same exact mindset back then. And it took me a really long time to reflect and realize, no, that just isn’t it. For me, the excitement is in the variety of a new face/body, the thrill of not knowing what to expect, the nervousness/anticipation of the clock ticking down to your appointment, the exhilaration of discovering a treasure nobody has found yet, the fulfillment of fucking a girl that looks like your coworker, and the surprise when your expectations are succeeded.

Not sure any of these things can be fulfilled by anyones wives for a mentally and morally corrupted individual such as myself. I envy those guys who don’t have the uncontrollable appetite i have. It’s probably why I’m proud of myself for being with my wife for this long as I have. Before this, I treated relationships like escorts. Had a new one all the time and I’m sure all my gfs look back and realize I was just a dick/player.

Did I mention I hate going to the gym with my wife. Dam some hot ass in there. This never ends.