Didn’t leave my wife

[anonsh6]

Love the advice that everyone else gave.
Here are some steps you can take:
- Become more open with your wife about all things. It can be gradual or dramatic but it moves things forward. You don't have to tell her what you did here. And you prolly shouldn't. But maybe eventually. Don't ask me.
- Divorce might become an option but don't feel guilty about it because of your children. As long as you do it in an honest way, it'll work out. There may be those who are deadbeat dads and still in the marriage but there are those who are divorced but are still kick-ass dads.
- Maybe consider therapy or counseling.

 

[instinctsrtrue]

The thing is, I connected with my sugar babe in ways I never did with my wife. She considered me her bf - but when I cheated, things changed. Anyway, she is unstable and not self-sufficient. I suspect there is sexual
Abuse because she was on SA, is bulimic and cuts herself, and seemed more able to have meaningless sex than true intimacy. How can I be in a relationship with her? My wife is very stable and accomplished. But it’s like she has fallen asleep in the marriage. She used to exercise and eat modestly. But post marriage, For years she just watched me go to the gym, while stopping herself, and ate whatever she pleased. I know what I should do, focus on my wife and go to couples therapy and therapy for myself.

What about you guys? Are most of you married? How do you make sense of what you do?

 

[tobonkornot]

i just rationalize this as a much more expensive and satisfying way of alleviating sexual desire than masturbating. But it’s easier to think of it that way when the emotional element is still there for me and my partner is my friend.

 

[nycdude]

I am in a sexless marriage. Started hobbying a few years ago. Then found SA. Been in a SA relationship the past 2 yrs. Hobby when sugar baby is away. SB is super hot and young. We care about each other very much, but we also have a very good realistic understanding on what our relationship is.

I had relationships with other SB's that I had to end because they wanted something real and could not deal with it. Luckily for me they did start trouble.

 

[instinctsrtrue]

I am in a sexless marriage. Started hobbying a few years ago. Then found SA. Been in a SA relationship the past 2 yrs. Hobby when sugar baby is away. SB is super hot and young. We care about each other very much, but we also have a very good realistic understanding on what our relationship is.

I had relationships with other SB's that I had to end because they wanted something real and could not deal with it. Luckily for me they did start trouble.

Have you considered leaving your wife if there is no sex? How
Old are you? Whose fault do you think it is and is there a way to heal it or instead are you, like me, focusing on your SB and not your wife? I made it so that my romantic thoughts focused on my SB and my wife was more like someone I live with and operate a family with. My wife is also emotionally not really available. She is fine with a surface relationship.
I find these SBs are young, lonely, and walled off, often with hurt in their backgrounds. It is easy for them to gravitate to us married guys because we are stable and also they know we can never truly be with them. The thought of true commitment and intimacy is foreign to them

 

[Bricktop]

Thoughts on the following....

I met a really hot 24 yo on Seeking Arrangement a couple years back- she is 20 years younger than me. Things got really heavy where we said I love you many times and talked about marriage. I stopped paying her per meet and got her an apartment.

But I decided to stay with my wife and the girl left me.

She and my wife and different.

Wife: we have two young kids. 5 years younger, but after two kids, is still pretty but not much effort on appearance. She is very cool but emotionally unavailable. Earns a couple hundred thousand per year and highly educated. Will still have sex.

SA girl: seriously is like a model, but a college drop out and cannot support herself. The sex over two years together became like marriage—she wanted less frequency. She also is bulimic. She is emotionally intimate with me, but represses and then when it boils up she can erupt or. Walk out.

I think I did the right thing. But it is hard not to be with a super hot 24 yo who you emotionally connect with.

Keep your head on straight. Ditch the kid.

 

[headsup]

 

[nycdude]

I find these SBs are young, lonely, and walled off, often with hurt in their backgrounds. It is easy for them to gravitate to us married guys because we are stable and also they know we can never truly be with them. The thought of true commitment and intimacy is foreign to them

Real SB's want relationship arrangements with money, gifts, discretionary sex without strings and be treated well. Things they do not get in real relationships with guys their age. All my SB have been 22-30. I am in my 50's but pass for 40's.

 

[Laoshi de laoshi]

I Told an inaccurate version. I booted her out of the apartment because I was sick of her being the gatekeeper for sex. I wanted her back and she said no. She found out in May I fucked other girls, then she went out and unbeknownst to me developed a relationship with a real guy - not from
SA. So things got fucked. I suspect she was sexually abused at some point as she was not that into sex. What got me was that sex became an issue when we shifted off ppm, but I understood she fucked this other guy more freely - literally and figuratively.

But she loved me hard. Some of it was healthy hard, some unhealthy. Like one fight she had to go to the hospital she was so upset. And
All I did was tell her not to see
Me the next day because I was mad at something she did.

Maybe I was addicted to the hotness and the drama of this emotional love. I do love my kids and I am not dumb enough to leave my situation for a young girl with problems who is not self-sufficient. But it’s a tough situation for me bc it shows how tough real love can be. After all, are you guys married and so why are you on here right?

You got her number? I’ll Fix her. Lol

 

[Kingfish411]

Yes, get your story straight. Sounds like the young one left u, and you didnt have a choice. She made the choice for you.

He is saying he decided to stay with his wife, try and follow the plot.

 

[Bricktop]

Real SB's want relationship arrangements with money, gifts, discretionary sex without strings and be treated well. Things they do not get in real relationships with guys their age. All my SB have been 22-30. I am in my 50's but pass for 40's.

So what in the world could you talk about for more than 5 minutes?

 

[instinctsrtrue]

Real SB's want relationship arrangements with money, gifts, discretionary sex without strings and be treated well. Things they do not get in real relationships with guys their age. All my SB have been 22-30. I am in my 50's but pass for 40's.

But what were your arrangements where the girl wanted more? What were they like?

 

[AbaloneSandwich]

OP, heartbreaking honesty, felt the emotional schism in your post. Much respect for being so real and vunerable on this forum.
I am married myself and my take on your general conundrum is this:
Wives are your partners in life, not necessarily in lust.
My wife is korean and she’s put on some weight (so have I), our jobs are extremely demanding, and we have a sexless marriage. I monger and get nuts with buddies similarly situated 3-5 times and year and spend the time in between talking about the last time.
Cultural context matters, I was born in Eastern Europe and like I said, my wife is korean. Both cultures allow for extra-marital indiscretions. I can be boisterous so “hooker” jokes are common place in the household and I am 99% sure she prob knows I dabble. But, we have a bond. A serious bond.
No matter how exciting your euphoric in-the-moment things can be with some strange trim, they will fizzle and fade.
I wouldn’t want to be with anyone more than I would with my wife, and if that is NOT how you feel, then you gotta have the “ you only get one life” type of conversation with yourself.

 

[nycdude]

But what were your arrangements where the girl wanted more? What were they like?

People do not join SA looking for a real relationship, but as you have experienced, things happen. You start off just in the hotel, but it evolves into out of the hotel. Lunches, dinners, movies, shows, etc.. Real feelings develop.

Being the older more experienced person, I know the reality of the situation and can deal with it. These young girls cannot. They do not have the life experience. The ups, downs, joys, heartbreaks. There are different levels of love.

 

[Tarpon]

He is saying he decided to stay with his wife, try and follow the plot.

From his second post, his SB rejected him. His ONLY choice was his wife between the two of thrm. Please try and follow more accurately

 

[instinctsrtrue]

I booted her from the apartment, don’t forget. Hard to have a relationship after that. But I got tired of her being the gatekeeper for sex while I wrote rent checks. Little did I know she had serious bulimia that no doubt affected desire. I bet she was sexually abused in the past too. I had regrets, told her I did not want to break up, but she did. Then she said she didn’t. But it is 95% broke up and when she goes to residential treatment she will get counseling that she needs to stay away from me. Our drama exacerbated her condition.

 

[Tarpon]

"I wanted her back and she said no." You also mention SB caught u cheating on her, and bc of that it was over. After these things occured, the only option between the two is your wife. In your first post u make it sound like you had a huge dilemma and you chose your wife. Post #17 speaks the complete opposite....im sure you would agree.

 

[Kingfish411]

"I wanted her back and she said no." You also mention SB caught u cheating on her, and bc of that it was over. After these things occured, the only option between the two is your wife. In your first post u make it sound like you had a huge dilemma and you chose your wife. Post #17 speaks the complete opposite....im sure you would agree.

The thing is, I connected with my sugar babe in ways I never did with my wife. She considered me her bf - but when I cheated, things changed. Anyway, she is unstable and not self-sufficient. I suspect there is sexual
Abuse because she was on SA, is bulimic and cuts herself, and seemed more able to have meaningless sex than true intimacy. How can I be in a relationship with her? My wife is very stable and accomplished. But it’s like she has fallen asleep in the marriage. She used to exercise and eat modestly. But post marriage, For years she just watched me go to the gym, while stopping herself, and ate whatever she pleased. I know what I should do, focus on my wife and go to couples therapy and therapy for myself.

What about you guys? Are most of you married? How do you make sense of what you do?

You are all over the palce

 

[Zzzz]

You are all over the palce

I agree - It's pathetic how clueless and incompetent grown men can be sometimes.

 

[Tarpon]

I Told an inaccurate version. I booted her out of the apartment because I was sick of her being the gatekeeper for sex. I wanted her back and she said no. She found out in May I fucked other girls, then she went out and unbeknownst to me developed a relationship with a real guy - not from
SA. So things got fucked. I suspect she was sexually abused at some point as she was not that into sex. What got me was that sex became an issue when we shifted off ppm, but I understood she fucked this other guy more freely - literally and figuratively.

But she loved me hard. Some of it was healthy hard, some unhealthy. Like one fight she had to go to the hospital she was so upset. And
All I did was tell her not to see
Me the next day because I was mad at something she did.

Maybe I was addicted to the hotness and the drama of this emotional love. I do love my kids and I am not dumb enough to leave my situation for a young girl with problems who is not self-sufficient. But it’s a tough situation for me bc it shows how tough real love can be. After all, are you guys married and so why are you on here right?

One more time for those that missed it, and only read post #1. YOU ARE VERY WELCOME