Guys I’ve been married going on 16 years this October. My wife says we have been living like roommates for the last couple of years. We still had sex every once and awhile, out to dinner, weekend getaways every so often. But the connection is not like what it used to be. We both haven’t put our marriage first. Out of the 16 years we were married. I mongered 11 of those years. I stopped in 2018 because I wanted to be a better husband. About two years ago she had weight loss surgery and lost her mind. Partying with girlfriends every weekend. Saying she wants to enjoy life. I work six days a week sometimes up to 10-12 a day. I get home I’am tired. Plus we live in the suburbs and it’s a hour to a hour and a half ride one way to work. When I get home Saturday I don’t want to do nothing but relax while she wants to go out. She has told me to step up on my husband duties being more romantic. But what about Her cooking and cleaning around the house. So about two weeks ago I got up to use the bathroom and she was downstairs on the phone with I thought a girlfriend. It just felt strange to me because it was really late. I usually close the bedroom door but this time I didn’t. I couldn’t go back to sleep. She had was listening to music and talking at the same time but it was low enough for my to hear some of what she was saying. Then it sounded like she was playing with herself moaning and all. I want downstairs to investigate. She had her cellphone face down on her shoulder and asked if I was ok. I told her I was getting something to drink. She said she would be up soon. Also she had been drinking wine also I wouldn’t know how much until the morning. I felt really strange so want back to bed but opened the bedroom door all the way so I could better and stayed near it. Then I heard her telling whoever was on the phone how she wanted to be eaten out and how juicy her pussy was and how she wanted to cum all over his face. I ran downstairs and took her phone but the person and hung up already. I asked her who she was talking to. She said if didn’t matter. That I did care about her and didn’t love her so not to worry who she was on the phone with. She ran upstairs to the guest bedroom I followed. We argued for awhile she was drunk out of her mind. She eventually want to sleep in our bed. The next day I want to work and we spoke over the phone and both told each other we needed to talk when I got home. I thought we would discuss what happened the night before. I got home and she told me she wanted a divorce. She had been unhappy for awhile and she had enough. I’ve been unhappy also but I suffer from depression and anxiety. I love her and want to try and save the marriage but at this time she does not. I’ve wanted to monger so bad these last to years. I especially now that she says she doesn’t think we can reconcile. I’am holding out a little longer hoping she will come around and go to marriage counseling. She also swears there is no one else and the phone incident was just flirting and the alcohol took it to a extreme. I don’t know what to do thanks for listening guys.
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Divorce
- Thread starter Honda
- Start date
I'm sorry buddy I just want to know that a lot of guys have experienced what you're going through and they've bounced back. Years ago I read something about love and divorce and breakups. It went something like'When a women's love for you is gone she can be as cold as if she had never known you'. We live in a society that works us to the bone, makes us husks of ourselves when we sacrifice our health and relationships to make a living. Under those conditions, it's easy to go down the path you two have taken. As a practical matter, you should get some legal advice. She is probably taking steps to prepare for divorce, and you should too. Prepare for the worst and hope for the best. Just remember that you can bounce back.
It’s very unfortunate and like another user Stated many men go through this and still bounce back. Also consider this, if she is not happy with you why would you want her to stay with you? She would stay with you but every day be unhappy and miserable which would in turn makes you unhappy and miserable, happy wife equals happy life. So if she has come to the conclusion that she wants a divorce, Let her go your peace and sanity also matters and keeping her in a miserable marriage with you isn’t going to do any of you any good. Yes it will be very hurtful especially considering the length of time you guys have been together and what you guys share but sometimes in life you just have to move on. Good luck and keep us posted.
Hello Mr. Honda,
I'm sorry to read what you're going through right now. I, like many others, have been in your shoes. It's kind of like being on a sinking ship. Do you take the time and effort to repair it or do you abandon it and swim for the shore, so to speak?
I will ask you this: Are you willing to make the effort to make your wife happy/happier? Work less? Be more romantic? Reignite the flames of passion? (and related to this last question: Are you physically/sexually attracted to her when she is naked?).
As far as her phone incident: I don't believe there is "no one else" and I don't consider a wife telling someone "...how she wanted to be eaten out and how juicy her pussy was and how she wanted to cum all over his face." flirting! No no no. And although you are sad and depressed this is something you CANNOT overlook.
You spent the better part of the last two years trying to be a better husband by no longer going to spas and being faithful. But were you happier?
You haven't been happy. Your wife isn't happy. Again, you can both spend the time and effort to try to regain happiness. If you do, I wish you well.
Like others have mentioned (and personally speaking) it is a long road ahead of you no matter what you do but if you do part ways there can be happiness again in your life someday. You CAN find another woman. You CAN have a good sex life. And you CAN get through all of this since you are a strong, sincere, and intelligent man.
I wish you good luck, sir. Please keep us posted and if you should ever need to talk you may send me a private message.
Tony
I'm sorry to read what you're going through right now. I, like many others, have been in your shoes. It's kind of like being on a sinking ship. Do you take the time and effort to repair it or do you abandon it and swim for the shore, so to speak?
I will ask you this: Are you willing to make the effort to make your wife happy/happier? Work less? Be more romantic? Reignite the flames of passion? (and related to this last question: Are you physically/sexually attracted to her when she is naked?).
As far as her phone incident: I don't believe there is "no one else" and I don't consider a wife telling someone "...how she wanted to be eaten out and how juicy her pussy was and how she wanted to cum all over his face." flirting! No no no. And although you are sad and depressed this is something you CANNOT overlook.
You spent the better part of the last two years trying to be a better husband by no longer going to spas and being faithful. But were you happier?
You haven't been happy. Your wife isn't happy. Again, you can both spend the time and effort to try to regain happiness. If you do, I wish you well.
Like others have mentioned (and personally speaking) it is a long road ahead of you no matter what you do but if you do part ways there can be happiness again in your life someday. You CAN find another woman. You CAN have a good sex life. And you CAN get through all of this since you are a strong, sincere, and intelligent man.
I wish you good luck, sir. Please keep us posted and if you should ever need to talk you may send me a private message.
Tony
I have to agree with the points made by findinit and Hardrobert. I have always believed that marriage was one man and one woman for life. In a perfect world it would be. I just passed my 50th anniversary (it's not the booze, you read it right).It's too long a story to tell but decades ago we swapped love for hard feelings. What makes it worse is that it seems to be OK with my wife. She doesn't seem to need warmth, closeness, affection or passion. To her everything seems to be fine even though we snap at each other over the most minor things. My advice is to sit down with her and have a no bullshit discussion. Even if you both decide on divorce you are better off getting it over with now than wondering 20 yrs from now if it would have been for the best. You can never make up lost time. Personally, I hope that the two of you can work it out.
@Honda. you are a mess and you know it. find a small simple place to stay near work and get yourself settled out physically, emotionally and spiritually. Once you have had time in a different environment your NEW life decisions will be based on a lot of thought and self reflection.
@Wayne1250, damn you can be a cruel MFer when you want too. If you would have put only kidding after it, I would have definitely commended you on the comment.
Makes me think about moonlighting as a Jake from Statefarm. Only kidding Honda.
@Wayne1250, damn you can be a cruel MFer when you want too. If you would have put only kidding after it, I would have definitely commended you on the comment.
Makes me think about moonlighting as a Jake from Statefarm. Only kidding Honda.
Some thoughts:
1. If she is cucking you, it's over. Or it should be over. If you forgive her and then she does it again and you seek a divorce, that is to her advantage. Why? Because it's on the record that you tolerated her infidelity. IMHO, a wife cucking her husband is the sin of sins (far worse than mongering because women are more emotionally invested in sex than men).
2. Not sure what she does. Perhaps she is a home-maker while you are busting your ass to earn a living? If so, she should be a lot more appreciative of your effort and understand that you need to unwind on the weekend. If she can't grasp that, she is selfish and unreasonable.
3. If she truly has no career, then she is also not very smart. Getting drunk and talking on the phone like that without earshot of your husband is not a sign of great discipline or intelligence.
4. Sounds like her weight loss surgery made her think she is Forever 21. She will find, to her chagrin, out what the real score is after the divorce. My $$ says the erstwhile BF is probably just using her, which means he does not respect her and won't marry her. After all, who in their right mind would marry a woman know to be unfaithful? Even if he was the one she was being unfaithful with, it diminishes her trustworthiness. She will also find that she's not that hot anymore (on a relative scale). So attracting another quality provider will be an uphill battle. Her standard of living will likely go way, way down -- especially if her infidelity reduces the amount of alimony she gets.
5. In contrast, your standard of living will go up. I predict you will rebound spectacularly and, if you are wise, you will never get married again. I've been married for 30+ years and am pretty certain that marriage is Xanadu for women (if the husband is civilized) and, at best, only so-so for men. If I ever get divorced, I am going after all the pussy I can get and never going to tie myself down again.
6. The only fly in the ointment is kids (if you have them). My recommendation is to just let your wife have custody. A lot of guys go broke trying to get custody and still lose. You have better things to do with your $$ than spend it on lawyers.
Sorry if some of the above is harsh. But, if you play your cards right, you will likely come out of this much happier even if it does not seem that way now. Best of luck to you.
1. If she is cucking you, it's over. Or it should be over. If you forgive her and then she does it again and you seek a divorce, that is to her advantage. Why? Because it's on the record that you tolerated her infidelity. IMHO, a wife cucking her husband is the sin of sins (far worse than mongering because women are more emotionally invested in sex than men).
2. Not sure what she does. Perhaps she is a home-maker while you are busting your ass to earn a living? If so, she should be a lot more appreciative of your effort and understand that you need to unwind on the weekend. If she can't grasp that, she is selfish and unreasonable.
3. If she truly has no career, then she is also not very smart. Getting drunk and talking on the phone like that without earshot of your husband is not a sign of great discipline or intelligence.
4. Sounds like her weight loss surgery made her think she is Forever 21. She will find, to her chagrin, out what the real score is after the divorce. My $$ says the erstwhile BF is probably just using her, which means he does not respect her and won't marry her. After all, who in their right mind would marry a woman know to be unfaithful? Even if he was the one she was being unfaithful with, it diminishes her trustworthiness. She will also find that she's not that hot anymore (on a relative scale). So attracting another quality provider will be an uphill battle. Her standard of living will likely go way, way down -- especially if her infidelity reduces the amount of alimony she gets.
5. In contrast, your standard of living will go up. I predict you will rebound spectacularly and, if you are wise, you will never get married again. I've been married for 30+ years and am pretty certain that marriage is Xanadu for women (if the husband is civilized) and, at best, only so-so for men. If I ever get divorced, I am going after all the pussy I can get and never going to tie myself down again.
6. The only fly in the ointment is kids (if you have them). My recommendation is to just let your wife have custody. A lot of guys go broke trying to get custody and still lose. You have better things to do with your $$ than spend it on lawyers.
Sorry if some of the above is harsh. But, if you play your cards right, you will likely come out of this much happier even if it does not seem that way now. Best of luck to you.
.. Where I’am much more reserved less social and more so as i get older.[/QUOTE]
That is interesting.
I was more reserved when I was younger.
The older I get then less f*cks I give.
I have a lot more laughs now.
Anyway, good luck with your situation.
Although I've never even been close to being married, I would have to agree with the guys telling you it is over.
Like @VJLUTZ said, a female who cheats is committing the worst possible sin she can commit. It's completely unforgiveable, IMO.
If you do split up, trying being a little less reserved. You'll have fun. Trust me.
That is interesting.
I was more reserved when I was younger.
The older I get then less f*cks I give.
I have a lot more laughs now.
Anyway, good luck with your situation.
Although I've never even been close to being married, I would have to agree with the guys telling you it is over.
Like @VJLUTZ said, a female who cheats is committing the worst possible sin she can commit. It's completely unforgiveable, IMO.
If you do split up, trying being a little less reserved. You'll have fun. Trust me.
That is interesting.
I was more reserved when I was younger.
The older I get the less f*cks I give.
I have a lot more laughs now.
Anyway, good luck with your situation.
Although I've never even been close to being married, I would have to agree with the guys telling you it is over.
Like @VJLUTZ said, a female who cheats is committing the worst possible sin she can commit. It's completely unforgiveable, IMO.
If you do split up, trying being a little less reserved. You'll have fun. Trust me.
You state you "mongered" for 11 of the 16 years. You stopped in 2018, so you "mongered" 11 out of the first 14 years. What made you begin to go to massage parlors or escorts? You obviously started looking around early in the marriage. Tough situation that on the surface seems like there are serious issues, especially that you also mention resentment of not having children.