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Farewell from a sad monger….. I hope

markkennedy

BFE to your GFE
Messages: 1,359
Reviews: 18
Joined
#24
We have response conditioned from environment, the feedback loop that does not separate us from animals but joins us to them. What separates us is how we interpret these impulses and how we act to build tools and cognitive distortions to cope with and dominate those things. Baby does not know what the result is from allowing a snake to get within a meter, or the result of touching one, and so on. Once conditioned by feedback, she will respond first with instinct (don't become dead or maimed or neutered) then with logic (can I eat it? can I kill it? can I avoid it?), and finally with action. Even baby alone on island with snake will learn this, or die.

I watched the story when I was small not long after I come to the US of a local newscaster who was parachuting as his hobby, and he fell out of the sky and died. As thinking animal, I go to library (internet was not existing) and read about this, ask grandfather who was Fallschirmjäger (paratrooper) in the war, and then we went to watch at local airfield. Fast forward and first time I was at the door to jump on my own, instinct set off alarms (you will become dead, maimed, neutered), but my logic, having seen firsthand men prepare correctly and not die, having heard my own grandfather demonstrate that this can be done without dying, and then I jump. Fast forward again to my first jump at jump school, I jump without hesitation. Is our conditioning and learned responses.

For the OP, your conditioning made the hobby a sin (can be arrested, can get disease, can be disgraced, so on) from before your first HE, is hard as an adult to unlearn these things. I hope you find your way, remember that we have the power within ourselves to be masters of our universe, in thought and word and action, but we have to first use logic to solve the problem and find the causal chain and how or why do we make this choice or that choice, and finally we discover how and why WE perceive this event to be wrong. Your victory will be either unconditioning yourself by determining that it is not, in fact, wrong, or you condition yourself that avoidance of the RESULT is your goal, and the action itself becomes easy to avoid. Best of luck!

Think carefully about "thoughts and places words and actions, thoughts and places words and actions"each of these is part of the causal chain.
 

AutomaticSlim

Shush...
Messages: 6,899
Reviews: 133
Joined
#25
True addict? I think anyone on this board who does not consider himself a sex addict might be lying to himself. Sex dominates all our lives, we wouldn't be on this board if it didn't. I know I am. If it wasn't an addiction there would be no need to seek out whores.
True addict? I think anyone on this board who does not consider himself a sex addict might be lying to himself. Sex dominates all our lives, we wouldn't be on this board if it didn't. I know I am. If it wasn't an addiction there would be no need to seek out whores.
One of the very few times I have to disagree with you, KD.
IMO (as always) it's not addiction unless it affects other aspects of your life.
Some examples are missing work, blowing off family (for guys who have that), going broke, going to the horrific cheap spots after you have driven yourself broke, etc..
So to me, unless a guy has gone to those types of extremes, he is not an addict.
As for myself, I average 3 times a week, but I take breaks every few months or so. That's 6 pops a week.
If a guy had a live in GF, and he bangs her 2 or 3 times a day, I don't think anyone would call him a "sex addict".
So no way I would consider myself a sex addict when I am getting way fewer pops than the guy with a hot young live in GF that likes to f*ck.
Just how I see it.
 

Contrita7

Review Contributor
Messages: 168
Reviews: 5
Joined
#26
You cannot be addicted to something you were design to do. AS A MONGER I MAKE SURE I DO WHAT IM SUPPOSED TO DO. yes it has a price like everything else in this world. But with the price comes a shower, a hit and miss on the massage, and always depending on where you go and have far you venture out you can definitely have a good fucking time and move on with your day. These females that tend to us they use what God gave them which is Vagina to make money. If money didn't exist I guarantee you everyone will be smashing all the time. Live free detach yourself for the Norma of society and enjoy life but OJO (be aware) of the dangers that THE lifestyle can bring. DO WHAT MAKES YOU FEEL GOOD FUCK THE FREE WORLD
 

Thatguy23

Review Contributor
Messages: 422
Reviews: 13
Joined
#28
It's an addiction when you cannot control it. When there are adverse affects, and you crave it anyway.

I can enjoy a drink at a bar with it being a problem. I could get drunk, and decide not to drink for a month after and I'd never even think of drinking. But I'm not an alcoholic.

Not everyone here is an addict. Some just like sex and can enjoy it without it ruining their lives. Some can't. Some of us are indeed addicts. None of us are beyond hope.

If you want to stop, there's hope. If you don't want to, that's your choice, too.
 

solomon_456

Review Contributor
Messages: 1,818
Reviews: 14
Joined
#29
The key point is “control” if you decide consciously that you want something taking in consideration all pros and cons and you still feel that you have a choice it’s not addiction, if you feel you have to and there’s no choice then it’s probably addiction
 

kaisa

Registered Member
Messages: 29
Reviews: 9
Joined
#30
I think acknowledging you feel like you have something to change is a very important step to understanding what you really want from yourself. Please just remember that time youve managed to abstain from hobbying as a positive thing because if you did it once you can very easily do it again.

Good luck OP
 

Koondog

Review Contributor
Messages: 5,244
Reviews: 27
Joined
#33
One of the very few times I have to disagree with you, KD.
IMO (as always) it's not addiction unless it affects other aspects of your life.
Some examples are missing work, blowing off family (for guys who have that), going broke, going to the horrific cheap spots after you have driven yourself broke, etc..
So to me, unless a guy has gone to those types of extremes, he is not an addict.
As for myself, I average 3 times a week, but I take breaks every few months or so. That's 6 pops a week.
If a guy had a live in GF, and he bangs her 2 or 3 times a day, I don't think anyone would call him a "sex addict".
So no way I would consider myself a sex addict when I am getting way fewer pops than the guy with a hot young live in GF that likes to f*ck.
Just how I see it.
I hear what you're saying Slim. If by addiction we mean letting it interfere negatively with other aspects of life then sure, I just meant the constant seeking and craving for sex without the ability to do without for extended periods of time. Maybe its a bad example but I was thinking about people who are addicted to food, I would still call 375 lb people food 'addicts' even if it doesn't mean they are missing work or going broke because of their habit.

It's a habit they can't seem to get under control and to me the average monger is no different. I see us mongers as rather self-absorbed narcissists always looking inward and everything being about us and our hedonistic pleasures and own gratification. Instead of doing more productive things with our lives we dwell on the next hot amp chick we can bang and the buzz on the newest amp opening in our area.

Sex is a VERY VERY big deal to people on this board, while I am sure there are more normal dudes out there who don't find it necessary to turn to prostitutes and wouldn't even occur to them to do so, maybe being happily married where sex doesn't play much of a role in their lives and they are AOK with it. Just think that guys that spend countless hours dedicated to a board that specializes in information about whores puts us in a league of our own when it comes to focus on sex and that to me is an obsession or addiction.

Not trying to put anyone down, as I said I fully put myself in this category. Been going this route since 1995 so I consider myself either rather obsessed or a full blown sex/whore addict.Then again, maybe I have it all wrong lol.
 

AutomaticSlim

Shush...
Messages: 6,899
Reviews: 133
Joined
#34
I see us mongers as rather self-absorbed narcissists always looking inward and everything being about us and our hedonistic pleasures and own gratification. Instead of doing more productive things with our lives we dwell on the next hot amp chick we can bang and the buzz on the newest amp opening in our area.

Sex is a VERY VERY big deal to people on this board
Yep. And I certainly fit that profile.
 

Contrita7

Review Contributor
Messages: 168
Reviews: 5
Joined
#35
Reminds me of the Chuck Palahniuk book where the sex addicted main character goes to the sex addiction 12 step meetings so he can troll for sex addicted women to hook up with. I’ve had that tactic in the back of my mind…
I forgot about this. Will definitely will try this free99.
 

Cum Tzu

Review Contributor
Messages: 202
Joined
#37
Here’s my story. I’m a sex addict. Not like most of you who can have fun mongering year after year and only end up losing time and money. My loss is my mind, my sanity. I remember my first rub tug, my first fs. I’ve been trying to find that high till this day. But even those sessions brought guilt, shame, confusion, paranoia, anxiety. What if I get caught? Exposed? What if I caught something? Time after time, I run to get tested, always clean, but my mind says what if? I don’t feel well, maybe a false negative? I pray to god and tell him to forgive me, that it will be the last time, but I’ve already told him the same thing before. Why do I continue to put myself through this misery. That’s when I found out I’m a true addict. I tried limiting the hobby, only getting hj’s. Those turned to CBJ’s. I even gave up 3 years only for the devil to lure me back harder than before. My last date, something felt off. I felt so out of touch, so distant from what I was doing that it clicked and I’m done with this life. There’s absolutely no pleasure, only sadness. I’m planning on joining SAA meetings, going to therapy and getting tested one last time. Please pray for me brothers and hope I leave the game healthy and regain my life and mind back. Thank you for listening
When I was in California, a college buddy ended up being a bar tender. He was one of those blond, good looking surfer guys. Needless to say, he got more ass than a toilet seat. But he was addicted to pussy. The parties we would have after the bar closed were invite only and 3/4 of the invites were female. I enjoyed just being along for the ride. But he couldn’t stay faithful to any one. Too many opportunities. He joined SAA. He lasted about 10 days. They kicked him out for trying to pick-up on the female SAA participants- lol. So when he told me that I was thinking- damn there are females with the same issue.
 

Contrita7

Review Contributor
Messages: 168
Reviews: 5
Joined
#38
When I was in California, a college buddy ended up being a bar tender. He was one of those blond, good looking surfer guys. Needless to say, he got more ass than a toilet seat. But he was addicted to pussy. The parties we would have after the bar closed were invite only and 3/4 of the invites were female. I enjoyed just being along for the ride. But he couldn’t stay faithful to any one. Too many opportunities. He joined SAA. He lasted about 10 days. They kicked him out for trying to pick-up on the female SAA participants- lol. So when he told me that I was thinking- damn there are females with the same issue.
Yes there are my friend and if you slick enough free SNU SNU
 
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