Farewell from a sad monger….. I hope

[headsup]

I stayed away from the hobby for 20 years. It was a big secret I kept, and it needed to subside. It could not coexist with what I felt I really wanted.

Circumstances made me cave and return to it. Now with the internet, and many more places to choose from it is incredibly more difficult to avoid partaking.

The mongering when you are younger is more about your loneliness, and FOMO(fear of missing out), than the sex.

As you are older, it is more about the sex, your performance doing it, and escapism.

That's my take on it.

 

[solomon_456]

I stayed away from the hobby for 20 years. It was a big secret I kept, and it needed to subside. It could not coexist with what I felt I really wanted.

Circumstances made me cave and return to it. Now with the internet, and many more places to choose from it is incredibly more difficult to avoid partaking.

The mongering when you are younger is more about your loneliness, and FOMO(fear of missing out), than the sex.

As you are older, it is more about the sex, your performance doing it, and escapism.

That's my take on it.

The escapism is what can make it an addiction although not all circumstances are the same and not all ppl are the same it does have to do with DNA

 

[dirkjones]

when I first started doing this I didn’t realize how many other people were doing it and never really thought about what these girls are doing to every other guy. Reading the details on here actually helps to curb my desire/compulsion more then anything else.

 

[Redrain]

It's threads like this that pushed me to stop hobbying.

Not the OP's reasons, because those are his reasons not mine.

What really did it was the way other hobbiests highjack these posts to defend their own choices and armchair psycho analyse the people who don't want to hobby anymore.

So many guys on this board like to say that hobbying and not hobbying are morally neutral individual choices, but the second someone says I don't want to hobby anymore they immediately get on about how the choice not to hobby isn't a personal choice so much as something pushed upon him by society, morality and other vague big bad unfair things.

As if their choice to keep hobbying makes them somehow smarter and braver than those who want to stop.

Reading these posts, there is a sense that they want credit and even a small level praise for being "smart" enough to keep hobbying.

Some guys take it even farther and write as if their hobbying is a form of personal protest against society, religion, feminism or some combination of these things.

(As a 20 plus year hobbiest, imo if you're thinking about any of these things during a session, you're probably doing it wrong... unless that's specifically what you came for. No kink shaming! Lol)

But if hobbying isn't something inherently bad it certainly isn't something inherently good either.

If hobbying really is a personal choice than every individual hobbiests' reasons to keep hobbying or to quit are their own.

If a hobbiest chooses to stop for religious reasons than that isn't any more wrong or misguided than a hobbiest who chooses to keep hobbying because he believes that men are evolved this way.

Chances are the one's limited understanding of religion is on par with the other's limited understanding of evolution (no one understands anything completely)

In both cases some ideas speak to one of them in a way they don't speak to the other.

When I read threads from hobbiests wanting to quit, they never "defend" their choice to quit so much as ask for compassion and understanding.

On the other hand so many hobbiests immediately defend their choice to hobby in response to these threads even though no one is attacking their choices or even remotely telling them they are wrong to want to keep hobbying.

That instinct to go on the defensive against someone who is just making a personal choice and asking for a little compassion without criticizing anyone else's choices is what makes me question this hobby the most.

Smokers don't get nearly as defensive against people who quit smoking. Casual drinkers don't get nearly as defensive against alcoholics who stop drinking.

But a lot of mongers get crazy defensive against mongers who want to stop.

The fact that so many of us are so ready to say that there is something misguided or psychologically wrong with the hobbiests who just want to stop, doesn't say much for this hobby.

 

[solomon_456]

It's threads like this that pushed me to stop hobbying.

Not the OP's reasons, because those are his reasons not mine.

What really did it was the way other hobbiests highjack these posts to defend their own choices and armchair psycho analyse the people who don't want to hobby anymore.

So many guys on this board like to say that hobbying and not hobbying are morally neutral individual choices, but the second someone says I don't want to hobby anymore they immediately get on about how the choice not to hobby isn't a personal choice so much as something pushed upon him by society, morality and other vague big bad unfair things.

As if their choice to keep hobbying makes them somehow smarter and braver than those who want to stop.

Reading these posts, there is a sense that they want credit and even a small level praise for being "smart" enough to keep hobbying.

Some guys take it even farther and write as if their hobbying is a form of personal protest against society, religion, feminism or some combination of these things.

(As a 20 plus year hobbiest, imo if you're thinking about any of these things during a session, you're probably doing it wrong... unless that's specifically what you came for. No kink shaming! Lol)

But if hobbying isn't something inherently bad it certainly isn't something inherently good either.

If hobbying really is a personal choice than every individual hobbiests' reasons to keep hobbying or to quit are their own.

If a hobbiest chooses to stop for religious reasons than that isn't any more wrong or misguided than a hobbiest who chooses to keep hobbying because he believes that men are evolved this way.

Chances are the one's limited understanding of religion is on par with the other's limited understanding of evolution (no one understands anything completely)

In both cases some ideas speak to one of them in a way they don't speak to the other.

When I read threads from hobbiests wanting to quit, they never "defend" their choice to quit so much as ask for compassion and understanding.

On the other hand so many hobbiests immediately defend their choice to hobby in response to these threads even though no one is attacking their choices or even remotely telling them they are wrong to want to keep hobbying.

That instinct to go on the defensive against someone who is just making a personal choice and asking for a little compassion without criticizing anyone else's choices is what makes me question this hobby the most.

Smokers don't get nearly as defensive against people who quit smoking. Casual drinkers don't get nearly as defensive against alcoholics who stop drinking.

But a lot of mongers get crazy defensive against mongers who want to stop.

The fact that so many of us are so ready to say that there is something misguided or psychologically wrong with the hobbiests who just want to stop, doesn't say much for this hobby.

Whenever someone talks about quitting it triggers guilt by a bunch of ppl and they start writing those comments to defend their own guilt, ppl here are quite insecure

 

[Retired061024]

It's threads like this that pushed me to stop hobbying.

Not the OP's reasons, because those are his reasons not mine.

What really did it was the way other hobbiests highjack these posts to defend their own choices and armchair psycho analyse the people who don't want to hobby anymore.

So many guys on this board like to say that hobbying and not hobbying are morally neutral individual choices, but the second someone says I don't want to hobby anymore they immediately get on about how the choice not to hobby isn't a personal choice so much as something pushed upon him by society, morality and other vague big bad unfair things.

As if their choice to keep hobbying makes them somehow smarter and braver than those who want to stop.

Reading these posts, there is a sense that they want credit and even a small level praise for being "smart" enough to keep hobbying.

Some guys take it even farther and write as if their hobbying is a form of personal protest against society, religion, feminism or some combination of these things.

(As a 20 plus year hobbiest, imo if you're thinking about any of these things during a session, you're probably doing it wrong... unless that's specifically what you came for. No kink shaming! Lol)

But if hobbying isn't something inherently bad it certainly isn't something inherently good either.

If hobbying really is a personal choice than every individual hobbiests' reasons to keep hobbying or to quit are their own.

If a hobbiest chooses to stop for religious reasons than that isn't any more wrong or misguided than a hobbiest who chooses to keep hobbying because he believes that men are evolved this way.

Chances are the one's limited understanding of religion is on par with the other's limited understanding of evolution (no one understands anything completely)

In both cases some ideas speak to one of them in a way they don't speak to the other.

When I read threads from hobbiests wanting to quit, they never "defend" their choice to quit so much as ask for compassion and understanding.

On the other hand so many hobbiests immediately defend their choice to hobby in response to these threads even though no one is attacking their choices or even remotely telling them they are wrong to want to keep hobbying.

That instinct to go on the defensive against someone who is just making a personal choice and asking for a little compassion without criticizing anyone else's choices is what makes me question this hobby the most.

Smokers don't get nearly as defensive against people who quit smoking. Casual drinkers don't get nearly as defensive against alcoholics who stop drinking.

But a lot of mongers get crazy defensive against mongers who want to stop.

The fact that so many of us are so ready to say that there is something misguided or psychologically wrong with the hobbiests who just want to stop, doesn't say much for this hobby.

Love your comment bro. My post wasn’t intended to judge or be judged rather to give a perspective of a retiring hobbyist’s (mine) way of thinking. It could maybe have others take a moment to reflect on every aspect of mongering. Idk, I have not come across any post like those so maybe mine can spark a conversation.

 

[Blixen]

Well if you do leave the hobby, don’t return to this board to check in with progress reports - that would be like the guy in AA dropping by the neighborhood bar to catch up.

 

[Nylnlst]

WHAT happens if you go to those meeting and see a. Female there …
what is your next move as a top teir monger 5 star

During these meetings maye they should separate the sexes, if course co mingling is going to happen!!!

 

[Nylnlst]

I consider myself agnostic/theist but there is a deep rooted fear instilled in me from past religious experiences (Roman catholic). I can’t really pinpoint exactly what started my addiction, but I always had an unhealthy fascination with pornography and sex even as young as 5 years old. I knew watching sex scenes in movies was forbidden as a kid, which made it impossible to resist and I had to find a way to watch. And to address your other comments about sex work. If you yourself had to sell your body for money, would it be easy for you? I don’t think you really acknowledge or realize the hidden mask some of these girls put on to keep up with this lifestyle. Just try to have some understanding.

I pretty much know where my adoration for women started and how. I too, am caught up with the aspect of religion and guilt. Also having an SO who does pretty much everything for me, even sex , the guilt is even much more profound but i love these woman. its like the song “Young Girls” by Bruno Mars, every time I hear that song, I think it’s right there at the truth .

 

[Ampzen]

Notmejohn666

Are you a bad boy who needs to be spanked? Oops...wrong forum.

 

[big-boobs-guy]

I've stressed waiting for std test results in the past. And I agree, it sucks.
But I've never had panic attacks, BP spikes, or spent hours with doctors.
Hoping you can stay away, but if you cannot, here is some advice.
As I said in an above comment, I take breaks every so often. Usually 2 or 3 times year. For several weeks. I find that it helps.


I think females can live without sex just fine.
It's just us guys that are cursed in that manner.

Women can def live without sex. They just can’t live without attention.

 

[headsup]

It's threads like this that pushed me to stop hobbying.

Not the OP's reasons, because those are his reasons not mine.

What really did it was the way other hobbiests highjack these posts to defend their own choices and armchair psycho analyse the people who don't want to hobby anymore.

So many guys on this board like to say that hobbying and not hobbying are morally neutral individual choices, but the second someone says I don't want to hobby anymore they immediately get on about how the choice not to hobby isn't a personal choice so much as something pushed upon him by society, morality and other vague big bad unfair things.

As if their choice to keep hobbying makes them somehow smarter and braver than those who want to stop.

Reading these posts, there is a sense that they want credit and even a small level praise for being "smart" enough to keep hobbying.

Some guys take it even farther and write as if their hobbying is a form of personal protest against society, religion, feminism or some combination of these things.

(As a 20 plus year hobbiest, imo if you're thinking about any of these things during a session, you're probably doing it wrong... unless that's specifically what you came for. No kink shaming! Lol)

But if hobbying isn't something inherently bad it certainly isn't something inherently good either.

If hobbying really is a personal choice than every individual hobbiests' reasons to keep hobbying or to quit are their own.

If a hobbiest chooses to stop for religious reasons than that isn't any more wrong or misguided than a hobbiest who chooses to keep hobbying because he believes that men are evolved this way.

Chances are the one's limited understanding of religion is on par with the other's limited understanding of evolution (no one understands anything completely)

In both cases some ideas speak to one of them in a way they don't speak to the other.

When I read threads from hobbiests wanting to quit, they never "defend" their choice to quit so much as ask for compassion and understanding.

On the other hand so many hobbiests immediately defend their choice to hobby in response to these threads even though no one is attacking their choices or even remotely telling them they are wrong to want to keep hobbying.

That instinct to go on the defensive against someone who is just making a personal choice and asking for a little compassion without criticizing anyone else's choices is what makes me question this hobby the most.

Smokers don't get nearly as defensive against people who quit smoking. Casual drinkers don't get nearly as defensive against alcoholics who stop drinking.

But a lot of mongers get crazy defensive against mongers who want to stop.

The fact that so many of us are so ready to say that there is something misguided or psychologically wrong with the hobbiests who just want to stop, doesn't say much for this hobby.

I think people mostly keep this hobby a secret, so these type of threads give people a place to talk about the hobby. It's cheaper than Dr. Melfi and would we really trust friends/family to keep it a secret? Would our stock dive because others opinions of us are forever changed?

Maybe we think we'll learn more about ourselves by throwing ideas, feelings, and general BS out to Mongertown, and see what is replied back. So far I haven't seen too many malicious, evil or venomous replies when folks have shared their ideas, fears, worries or questions here.

Maybe Mongers are not Grinches but just want a piece of ass in Whoville, once in a while?

 

[Sidneyfalco]

I’m kind of embarrassed to discover that we all here are (myself included) a bunch of low functioning losers, I once heard a good line “rich people are those who’s lust for money is greater than their lust for girls” I’m seeing in this discussion that more less all guys on this board have too much extra time and not using it to enrich themselves, again I’m no different but it did cause me to self reflect, will I change? Who knows but being honest with yourself is a step in the right direction

Of all the posts on this thread, I think this one gets closest to the heart of the matter. The bottom line is it’s a toxic combination of loneliness and depression and self loathing. And you made a point I examined in a similar thread, that many of us on here should be spending their time enriching or bettering ourselves, to a point where we can find women who actually WANT to be with us, even have sex with us. As much as many of us enjoy “pay for play “, at some point guys have to realize that many of those women are sadly damaged goods who look at many if not most of the men who see them with contempt…Doing this too often and too much (and everyone has to decide for themselves what constitutes those parameters) can lead to a cycle of despair and negativity. I don’t think it’s the only solution, but once you can cure or maybe even master the loneliness, and make normal human connections , especially with a woman, perhaps then that’s the right path and the best way out of addiction, if one believes that they are caught in that

 

[headsup]

Of all the posts on this thread, I think this one gets closest to the heart of the matter. The bottom line is it’s a toxic combination of loneliness and depression and self loathing. And you made a point I examined in a similar thread, that many of us on here should be spending their time enriching or bettering ourselves, to a point where we can find women who actually WANT to be with us, even have sex with us. As much as many of us enjoy “pay for play “, at some point guys have to realize that many of those women are sadly damaged goods who look at many if not most of the men who see them with contempt…Doing this too often and too much (and everyone has to decide for themselves what constitutes those parameters) can lead to a cycle of despair and negativity. I don’t think it’s the only solution, but once you can cure or maybe even master the loneliness, and make normal human connections , especially with a woman, perhaps then that’s the right path and the best way out of addiction, if one believes that they are caught in that

I agree with a lot of what you are saying.

However, no matter how much a lot of us try, no matter what we can offer, we just can't find a nice partner. It can be extremely hard, on a hard working male, who thinks he has done everything right to not get what he needs and wants. What should we do? Be an angry "incel"? Whack off forever? Just try harder or differently? Or worse than all the above, settle for something we don't really like or want?

Maybe we are weak pieces of sh*t?

I can laugh about it sometimes, or I'd go nuts. The working girls can be a refuge of sorts for a pair of soon to explode testicles. I think the key is to use as directed and limit and control the usage. Hopefully you are the type that can compartmentalize it, and not feel forever ruined by putting your unit in a whore for a release.

 

[Blixen]

And you made a point I examined in a similar thread, that many of us on here should be spending their time enriching or bettering ourselves, to a point where we can find women who actually WANT to be with us, even have sex with us.

However, no matter how much a lot of us try, no matter what we can offer, we just can't find a nice partner. It can be extremely hard, on a hard working male, who thinks he has done everything right to not get what he needs and wants. What should we do?

Wow, you guys are going deep.

Even beyond sex addiction, this touches on the fundamental human need to connect intimately and the difficulty/impossibility of finding that person who checks enough of the boxes and can grow with you over the years.
A riddle wrapped in an enigma that must be grappled with every day of our lives.

 

[jfox987]

good luck

 

[Sidneyfalco]

I agree with a lot of what you are saying.

However, no matter how much a lot of us try, no matter what we can offer, we just can't find a nice partner. It can be extremely hard, on a hard working male, who thinks he has done everything right to not get what he needs and wants. What should we do? Be an angry "incel"? Whack off forever? Just try harder or differently? Or worse than all the above, settle for something we don't really like or want?

Maybe we are weak pieces of sh*t?

I can laugh about it sometimes, or I'd go nuts. The working girls can be a refuge of sorts for a pair of soon to explode testicles. I think the key is to use as directed and limit and control the usage. Hopefully you are the type that can compartmentalize it, and not feel forever ruined by putting your unit in a whore for a release.

Banging an occasional hooker should be fun, a way to get your rocks off and have some variety.
But the OP doesn’t sound like he’s having fun, at least anymore. He sounds like he’s in the midst of an existential crisis, and unhappy that he’s compelled by forces that he feels unable to control. If you’re at that point, or where you’re spending 2/3 of your salary on pussy , it’s probably time for a mental and moral reassessment.

 

[headsup]

Banging an occasional hooker should be fun, a way to get your rocks off and have some variety.
But the OP doesn’t sound like he’s having fun, at least anymore. He sounds like he’s in the midst of an existential crisis, and unhappy that he’s compelled by forces that he feels unable to control. If you’re at that point, or where you’re spending 2/3 of your salary on pussy , it’s probably time for a mental and moral reassessment.

I hear you.

OP: Maybe this will help: Only people can help you. Draw on your friends and/or start making new ones. Humble yourself to make invitations to meet to do anything/everything you can think of with people you know. If you are questioned say, "I think I am going through a rough patch", and it's nice to hang and BS with someone. I can guarantee most people would be fine with this.

(I'm singing now) People, people who need people.... yada...

My mongering has always been solo, and always a somewhat lonely adventure, with a strange aftertaste. We need more contact not less contact with civilians(ha ha), our friends and contacts.

I know friends can be frustrating, but ramping up social contact is what you (we) need. (Isolation is dangerous to our resistence)

Good luck, that's my take.

 

[User826]

yes, in about 5 years and 100k later they will narrow it down to "puberty" as the trigger.

Puberty doesn't do this. Probably hooked to porn among other things and needs outlets to get off.

 

[Thatguyreviews]

This thread is actually one of the more positive conversations I have seen on here. In terms of the subject matter at least. To OP: best of luck brother. I believe people can break out. Why im commenting: I think im out. Cold turkey. I make a lot less than some of you guys, and ive always been aware its an addiction for me personally, because I budget quite a lot for it. I met a girl a few months ago and slowed down, quite a bit. Spent more money on her than I could hobbying, tried to be the best man I can be for her, but she got scared of the commitment etc and (I wasnt perfect as hard as I tried to be) so she broke it off today. I immediately dived into the hobby and found someone to see and left 5 minutes ago thinking of this thread. It was the most mechanical fucking session ive ever had, and honestly, it made me feel more shitty and probably the most depressed ive ever been. Not saying this for attention, but jump off a bridge depressed (struggled with the self worth thing for a while/whats the point kind of shit). I cared for this girl deeply and to go from having amazing sex with someone you really cared about to that was shocking. I thought the hobby would be a crutch for me, but i definitely went to the wrong place. Why im writing it here is because I cant vent to anyone else, but also because it helps to write it out and understand that im unhappy. That it needs to be changed. Like a promise to myself. Anyway good luck OP. And hopefully im strong enough to join you. To you guys that enjoy it, in a healthy and safe way or dont and dont see it as a problem, keep having a blast honestly. But I want out.