Farewell from a sad monger….. I hope

[sugarmaster]

I have kicked the habit for a few years now. I come back on these boards because of my curiosity. Most of us do this for emotional reasons, whether obvious or not. It is often not purely sexual. That is why you often see guys here who are Captain Save a Ho OR woman haters. I suggest you read books about affairs like After the Affair. They can help you understand yourself. They also can help us married guys understand what we do what we do.

 

[Retired042224-1]

One of the very few times I have to disagree with you, KD.
IMO (as always) it's not addiction unless it affects other aspects of your life.
Some examples are missing work, blowing off family (for guys who have that), going broke, going to the horrific cheap spots after you have driven yourself broke, etc..
So to me, unless a guy has gone to those types of extremes, he is not an addict.
As for myself, I average 3 times a week, but I take breaks every few months or so. That's 6 pops a week.
If a guy had a live in GF, and he bangs her 2 or 3 times a day, I don't think anyone would call him a "sex addict".
So no way I would consider myself a sex addict when I am getting way fewer pops than the guy with a hot young live in GF that likes to f*ck.
Just how I see it.

Agreed. Does it make your life unmanageable? If not, no worries.

 

[Notmejohn666]

I think acknowledging you feel like you have something to change is a very important step to understanding what you really want from yourself. Please just remember that time youve managed to abstain from hobbying as a positive thing because if you did it once you can very easily do it again.

Good luck OP

Appreciate the message. If I did it once, I could do it again, very important message to read. Thank you

 

[Notmejohn666]

We have response conditioned from environment, the feedback loop that does not separate us from animals but joins us to them. What separates us is how we interpret these impulses and how we act to build tools and cognitive distortions to cope with and dominate those things. Baby does not know what the result is from allowing a snake to get within a meter, or the result of touching one, and so on. Once conditioned by feedback, she will respond first with instinct (don't become dead or maimed or neutered) then with logic (can I eat it? can I kill it? can I avoid it?), and finally with action. Even baby alone on island with snake will learn this, or die.

I watched the story when I was small not long after I come to the US of a local newscaster who was parachuting as his hobby, and he fell out of the sky and died. As thinking animal, I go to library (internet was not existing) and read about this, ask grandfather who was Fallschirmjäger (paratrooper) in the war, and then we went to watch at local airfield. Fast forward and first time I was at the door to jump on my own, instinct set off alarms (you will become dead, maimed, neutered), but my logic, having seen firsthand men prepare correctly and not die, having heard my own grandfather demonstrate that this can be done without dying, and then I jump. Fast forward again to my first jump at jump school, I jump without hesitation. Is our conditioning and learned responses.

For the OP, your conditioning made the hobby a sin (can be arrested, can get disease, can be disgraced, so on) from before your first HE, is hard as an adult to unlearn these things. I hope you find your way, remember that we have the power within ourselves to be masters of our universe, in thought and word and action, but we have to first use logic to solve the problem and find the causal chain and how or why do we make this choice or that choice, and finally we discover how and why WE perceive this event to be wrong. Your victory will be either unconditioning yourself by determining that it is not, in fact, wrong, or you condition yourself that avoidance of the RESULT is your goal, and the action itself becomes easy to avoid. Best of luck!

Think carefully about "thoughts and places words and actions, thoughts and places words and actions"each of these is part of the causal chain.

Thank you for that prospective. Never thought of it that way

 

[Notmejohn666]

Appreciate all the positive feedback and everyone’s different views and opinions. One of the reasons why I know I’m an addict is because of the constant stress the hobby brings me every time. It’s caused panic attacks, spikes in blood pressure, hours in the doctors office, money spent for std tests, constant hours searching std symptoms. Why would I constantly put myself through that every month? Would any of you? I remember in college, I took a psychology course and they say humans can’t live without food, shelter and sex. So how can a food addict stop eating? How can a sex addict stop having sex? Anything can trigger me. A sexy ad on Facebook, a cute woman walking by, or just being bored in the middle of the night. Sex addiction is supposed to be the hardest addiction to get over, some say even harder than drugs. My soul is just done.

 

[AutomaticSlim]

Would any of you?

I've stressed waiting for std test results in the past. And I agree, it sucks.
But I've never had panic attacks, BP spikes, or spent hours with doctors.
Hoping you can stay away, but if you cannot, here is some advice.
As I said in an above comment, I take breaks every so often. Usually 2 or 3 times year. For several weeks. I find that it helps.

they say humans can’t live without food, shelter and sex.

I think females can live without sex just fine.
It's just us guys that are cursed in that manner.

 

[Lovecheeks889]

WHAT happens if you go to those meeting and see a. Female there …
what is your next move as a top teir monger 5 star

 

[cheezewhiz]

Testosterone fuels many behaviors including the urge for sex. Tough habit to break with the hormone pulsating through your body 24/7.
One outlet for the energy is physical exercise in the gym, trails, bike, something to release some of the poison so to speak.

 

[Redrain]

It didn't take long for this thread to go from showing compassion for someone who saw that he needed help and is trying his best to get it to a bunch of guys trying to justify their choice to monger.

This man is taking a brave step, recognizing he has a problem and taking the hard road to address it.

What he is going through has nothing to do with your opinions on anything or why you do anything.

No one here is trying to make you stop, start or asking you to explain your reasons for anything.

And if seeing someone who does something that you also do decide to quit for the betterment of his life bothers you to the point where you feel the need to list all the reasons why you want to keep doing what you do, then that's on you.

Just go on one of the many threads that specifically talk about that. You'll find that you're not saying anything new, and no one is trying to convince you to change anything about yourself.

Showing compassion to someone trying to change is not the same as shaming anyone who doesn't want to change.

Personally, I'd rather stand next to the man brave enough to do the work to make his life better than next to the one so aggrieved that he treats a stranger's personal choices as a challenge to his own.

 

[TIskier]

It didn't take long for this thread to go from showing compassion for someone who saw that he needed help and is trying his best to get it to a bunch of guys trying to justify their choice to monger.

This man is taking a brave step, recognizing he has a problem and taking the hard road to address it.

What he is going through has nothing to do with your opinions on anything or why you do anything.

No one here is trying to make you stop, start or asking you to explain your reasons for anything.

And if seeing someone who does something that you also do decide to quit for the betterment of his life bothers you to the point where you feel the need to list all the reasons why you want to keep doing what you do, then that's on you.

Just go on one of the many threads that specifically talk about that. You'll find that you're not saying anything new, and no one is trying to convince you to change anything about yourself.

Showing compassion to someone trying to change is not the same as shaming anyone who doesn't want to change.

Personally, I'd rather stand next to the man brave enough to do the work to make his life better than next to the one so aggrieved that he treats a stranger's personal choices as a challenge to his own.

Very true. My point in addressing the OP was to try and assuage the high level of guilt, shame and self hate that he is suffering with. I hope he discovers ways to cope with that facet of his experience moving forward.

 

[Notmejohn666]

It didn't take long for this thread to go from showing compassion for someone who saw that he needed help and is trying his best to get it to a bunch of guys trying to justify their choice to monger.

This man is taking a brave step, recognizing he has a problem and taking the hard road to address it.

What he is going through has nothing to do with your opinions on anything or why you do anything.

No one here is trying to make you stop, start or asking you to explain your reasons for anything.

And if seeing someone who does something that you also do decide to quit for the betterment of his life bothers you to the point where you feel the need to list all the reasons why you want to keep doing what you do, then that's on you.

Just go on one of the many threads that specifically talk about that. You'll find that you're not saying anything new, and no one is trying to convince you to change anything about yourself.

Showing compassion to someone trying to change is not the same as shaming anyone who doesn't want to change.

Personally, I'd rather stand next to the man brave enough to do the work to make his life better than next to the one so aggrieved that he treats a stranger's personal choices as a challenge to his own.

I assumed the thread would get there eventually. My message was just to show that there is a dark side to this hobby. That if you are not careful, it can mess you up. My story is probably not as dark, and it could get much worse. But I don’t want to get there and I see only bad things for me if I continue. The personal justifications of guilt and shame are mine alone to deal with. I don’t point and judge others because I’m no different than all the guys here. The girls are also another reason I’m giving up. I know most do it for the money, but there are some who I feel are hiding something. It’s hard to live without feeling guilty after a session with someone who seems like they hate what they are doing or worse, or they don’t have a choice. Not saying I know for sure but it just sucks when you get that feeling. You can’t even concentrate or continue and you end up questioning what you are even doing? Or a girl who looks tired as hell and forces themselves to get it over with. Maybe it’s just my overthinking mind but I can’t let things go.

 

[DeuceJiggalow]

One of the very few times I have to disagree with you, KD.
IMO (as always) it's not addiction unless it affects other aspects of your life.
Some examples are missing work, blowing off family (for guys who have that), going broke, going to the horrific cheap spots after you have driven yourself broke, etc..
So to me, unless a guy has gone to those types of extremes, he is not an addict.
As for myself, I average 3 times a week, but I take breaks every few months or so. That's 6 pops a week.
If a guy had a live in GF, and he bangs her 2 or 3 times a day, I don't think anyone would call him a "sex addict".
So no way I would consider myself a sex addict when I am getting way fewer pops than the guy with a hot young live in GF that likes to f*ck.
Just how I see it.

So that’s at least $6K a month. You must be doing well.

 

[Redrain]

I assumed the thread would get there eventually. My message was just to show that there is a dark side to this hobby. That if you are not careful, it can mess you up. My story is probably not as dark, and it could get much worse. But I don’t want to get there and I see only bad things for me if I continue. The personal justifications of guilt and shame are mine alone to deal with. I don’t point and judge others because I’m no different than all the guys here. The girls are also another reason I’m giving up. I know most do it for the money, but there are some who I feel are hiding something. It’s hard to live without feeling guilty after a session with someone who seems like they hate what they are doing or worse, or they don’t have a choice. Not saying I know for sure but it just sucks when you get that feeling. You can’t even concentrate or continue and you end up questioning what you are even doing? Or a girl who looks tired as hell and forces themselves to get it over with. Maybe it’s just my overthinking mind but I can’t let things go.

I assumed the thread would get there eventually. My message was just to show that there is a dark side to this hobby. That if you are not careful, it can mess you up. My story is probably not as dark, and it could get much worse. But I don’t want to get there and I see only bad things for me if I continue. The personal justifications of guilt and shame are mine alone to deal with. I don’t point and judge others because I’m no different than all the guys here. The girls are also another reason I’m giving up. I know most do it for the money, but there are some who I feel are hiding something. It’s hard to live without feeling guilty after a session with someone who seems like they hate what they are doing or worse, or they don’t have a choice. Not saying I know for sure but it just sucks when you get that feeling. You can’t even concentrate or continue and you end up questioning what you are even doing? Or a girl who looks tired as hell and forces themselves to get it over with. Maybe it’s just my overthinking mind but I can’t let things go.

You're not overthinking anything. Your reasons are important because they are your reasons and effect you.

It's good that you took the time to take stock and recognize that you are not where you want to be.

We may visit lots of different providers but at the end of a session we leave with ourselves.

Sounds mean, but I hope I never read another post from you lol.

 

[Mongeram]

Here’s my story. I’m a sex addict. Not like most of you who can have fun mongering year after year and only end up losing time and money. My loss is my mind, my sanity. I remember my first rub tug, my first fs. I’ve been trying to find that high till this day. But even those sessions brought guilt, shame, confusion, paranoia, anxiety. What if I get caught? Exposed? What if I caught something? Time after time, I run to get tested, always clean, but my mind says what if? I don’t feel well, maybe a false negative? I pray to god and tell him to forgive me, that it will be the last time, but I’ve already told him the same thing before. Why do I continue to put myself through this misery. That’s when I found out I’m a true addict. I tried limiting the hobby, only getting hj’s. Those turned to CBJ’s. I even gave up 3 years only for the devil to lure me back harder than before. My last date, something felt off. I felt so out of touch, so distant from what I was doing that it clicked and I’m done with this life. There’s absolutely no pleasure, only sadness. I’m planning on joining SAA meetings, going to therapy and getting tested one last time. Please pray for me brothers and hope I leave the game healthy and regain my life and mind back. Thank you for listening

I get this

 

[therealest]

everyone's' not built the same. every one of us have different levels of self-control. OP is obviously on the lower end. i wish him all the best.

 

[Sweets17]

Don't go to hard on yourself. I understand the concern of catching something but unfortunately you will always will have to keep that in mind even after mongering. Like the song says "These bitches ain't loyal!". Now the only thing I see that could be alarming is the spending that can get out of control. But asking forgiveness for having sex with multiple ladies hahaha is part of our DNA. Men were designed to smash from the beginning of time. Unfortunately society and the norms of people who tell us how to live life tell us we are not supposed to do that are fucking wrong fuck as much as you want. Just make sure to pick 1 of 3 roads. 1. Find a girlfriend marry that woman and live your life stuck to that female for life 1 pussy for ever. Or 2. Find yourself sugar babies if you are a baller. Or 3. MONGER UNTIL YOU SEE IT FIT. WE WERE CREATED WITH A PENIS AND A BUNCH 9F PUSSIES TO SMASH. HOLD TOUR SHIELD AND GO FOWARD. GODSPEED

❤️❤️❤️ that's funny. Well put.

 

[JustanotherguyinNj]

Good luck future me :/

 

[AutomaticSlim]

So that’s at least $6K a month. You must be doing well.

I do OK.
LIke I said here many times, I don't spend extravagantly on anything else.

 

[beatnik]

We may visit lots of different providers but at the end of a session we leave with ourselves.

Actually, I’ve left the shop with providers before.

Seriously though, your posts are too sensible and rational and I appreciate you taking the time to post it.

 

[itwasntme]

I wish you the best OP. Quitting a "natural" addiction like food or sex seems terribly hard, since the normal way to quit a drug addiction is to get yourself to a place where you just don't do the addiction at all.